This text was ripped from the scrolltext of an intro on ATARI ST, 1991. ILLEGAL of THE REPLICANTS talks about LITTLE LULU of THE POMPEY PIRATES.
Then, follow the answer (also in a scrolltext) of Little Lulu (1991).
Found on 13 Jan 1990 in the game "Cybermind" by DAD / Impact.
The REPLICANTS Present BIG FISHING GAME,Cracked by Illegal.
Original from Umberto and Franca.Well,for Italy you can write to :
I.C.S. P.O BOX,30 73010 SAN PIETRO IN LAMA ( LE ),ITALY.
COOOOL SUPER JAIMIE,the 3 million dollars woman is here !...
This is a well done PI1 picture of Little Lulu.Those who do not
believe me,i swear on my head she is looking like this.I think it
is one of my last ATARI ST crack.I give up the Computer world,that
too many Assholes,Liers maintain.For some people,it will be less
competition.YEP,but get the Replicants stuff,this is my
testament.I hope i made a good work on ST for you guys.And i think
about ST users who were happy to have working versions of games.
You cannot imagine dudes the amount of time,work that took me
to receive what?.No french guy will help me getting originals.I
mean nobody will pay.You will pay some guys of Elite,but they
rarely need this money.Well,Why did not you all understand this
?.Why did not you all understand that each cracked game was BOUGHT
from my own money ?.Then i receive Threatening letters,rumors
about me.I have enough.WHAT DID YOU LOSE and WHAT DID YOU RECEIVE
?.You lost a good cracker,you received ELITE.But some REPLICANTS
still remain,support them,because they need it.Since 5 years i
crack,i have tried to work good for everybody.But you did not
understand all.So the following text is my TESTAMENT!.What did you
RECEIVE ?.ELITE... cool for you,really,this is the end of an age
dudes.BUT you Will understand,as you will not see my cracks
Who will be able to prove me it is worth continuing on the ST scene ?.You french guys who never helped me getting originals ?.You english dudes who are proud of your LAME Menus (Except for some) ? Read this man,and try to understand !.If you read all,you will be able to REALLY CONTACT ME. Lets start with my CALIFORNIA trip ('Welcome to Hotel California ... ' if you know the song from the eagles) Well,i have been basically in Pittsburg (CA) to meet Little Lulu,who was (i thought) a friend of mine. It did not happen like this.But you will understand later dudes!. There are lots of funny stories about California,let me tell you some... First of all,one day we went to 'BENIHANA' which is a Japanese Restaurant where (you can eat Jap food HA HA HA) the cooker is (cooking HA HA HA) making the meals you ordered in front of you,on a kind of big grill.... In these restaurants,the 'TABLES' are semispherical and the grill is at the center Eight people can seat on it.We were four (???!!!),so what happens to the last four places ?.Hey ! another group comes.And next to me (i was the last in the row of four) the girl says 'Hi i am Maggie blabla.....' and presents me the other members of her party. Well,she was interested in making me visiting 'The wine country' .... i also was invited in her house with some friends of her,BUT the fact was that she was a little bit interested in me (Smiling!).Well,she began to be very interesting (She was already attractive,though between twenty five and thirty,but i look older than i am) when she started making me drink in her glass,getting a little bit closer.Well, GIMME your phone number etc... we are going to visit this wine country... So what was wrong ?.Nothing.... Nothing till this damned moment when LL said 'Ya know he is only 19 and cannot drink anything but sodas' (in CA you can drink at 21,not before).Jesus Christ! How to break my little building... And so Maggie felt a little bit embarassed,as she thought i was too young of course! Damn it!.I was already angry about Little Lulu for some reasons,but here she simply fucked me over,in a way.Hey,you are not my mother (Thanks god!). Well i forgot it and thought to myself,she was not pretty,she looked like a zombie... BUT that was not true!.Anyway LL said to me 'She was drunk',kiss my ass,because i know when people are drunk or not,and as i verified the phone number,it was the true one.HA! Anyway days passed,between going to amusement parks and restaurant, i easily made Fourty to Fifty dollars a day,Thanks god i said before coming to CA to LL 'I am going to be short at money!' and she replied 'I will help you saving your money'.But she did not care,i could not even stay at her house,for some reasons (Her girl was supposed to babysit here),so i was forced to come. LL never rides anything.There are lots of rides,but she keep on watching you or filming you,because of her back problems.So one day i did not want to come,first because she makes me nad ,then because i had no money,and i think a third reason would be that i did not come to california to go like a dork in amusement parks everyday. And i also think that all young people reading this Fscroll will understand this point of view !. Well,in this pure atmosphere of coolness,why did we always argue ?. The fact is that Little Lulu is too stupid.Well,she thought i could have accepted this,but sorry i did not.What to begin with ?.Hmmmmm,that is not so easy... but one good example would be her opinions about black people.I am deeply ANTI- RACIST,if you see what i mean... and she clearly said to me and the english dork of the Pompey Pirates that she thought they were inferior people, not because their skin is black,but because when they are born they have a less good brain. What to say about it ? nothing she would get mad.She even said to a guy called HAL that she thought that Martin Lutherking was a niggar that should have shut his mouth.Well some people would say 'SHOCKING' ,i simply say : 'You make me throw up!'.In the Replicants we have lots of good friends and some are not white. Some are white but have kinda more coloured skin... SOWHAT ?.Think about your girl marrying a black man punk motherfuckers,what are you going to be afraid of ?. NO he will not kill her or anything.What ! shame ? the ones who will see this as something ashaming are assholes. So when Little (FAT) Lulu said this,i did not say nothing,but i think i noticed the english dork agree. I listen to some PUBLIC IMAGE LIMITED songs (This is not a love song....),and there is one that clearly says my opinion about it.It says : 'I Could be wrong,i could be right : I could be white,i could be black.I could be wrong,i could be right : i could be black,i could be white' . Little (ugly) Lulu will say to you that i got lost in purpose four hours in amusement parks.It was not true at the beginning,but later as they always were agressive and in a bad mood to me,i did it to go other places. They are not fun.When you are with ulul,she thinks she is your mother and responsible of you because you are at her home,but this is not true : WHAT THE RIGHT ? RESPONSIBLE OF ME ?. I came in this hell alone,and i will come back alone.So simply but kindly jerk off. You are not my MOM,you do not deserve this honour that only one person can have in my life (Geeeeezzzzzz that was Beautiful) ,you are not supposed to be responsible of me,as i am old enough to be responsible,so FUCK YOU. So you cannot go anywhere,you cannot drink if you want,you cannot smoke ( i don't ),you cannot meet girls... But for some English people it seems to be of no importance girls... That does not mean anything for him. We could have met lotsa girls,and nothing,no Richard you prefered going to fucking amusement parks, where you can see Daffy Duck coming to shake your hand.AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH Enough Daffy ducks,Sylvester,Tweety Birds, Bugs Bunny,Donald,Mickey AAAAAAHHHHHHHH (Nervous breakdown),and you prefered riding Roller Coasters and rides (to ride a ride,interesting ...) ALL DAY LONG.And at the end,lets sleep early,to enjoy our evening.Then lets get up with the chickens do nothing but play fucking console games,kick the bed where Illegal sleeps to wake him up... ('Cathy' did it several times for me,the Lulu's little girl (??))
So ok dude,Lulu is bad in mind and seems to not be very intelligent.BUT Why the hell did you move from her home ? Well,it happened one day,when the car's clutch (is it the right spelling ?) broke up. Nothing to do,we started to talk about places.So i asked 'Where would you like to go in Europe if you go there?'. She replied 'The PYRAMIDS OF EGYPT'.Well my geography says EGYPT is in AFRICA. Well,i bypassed this and continued : nothing that would interest you in France ?. Only the EIFEL TOWER... So i asked for other countries,nothing,really nothing Even Greece (Athenes,Temple...),Italy (Rome,Florence,Venise...),England (London,Stonehedge etc...),Germany (???). No.NOTHING,because 'We have the same in USA'.Well they even have the very old castles of Disneyland (Hahahahah)... I was sorry for her.I tried to ask her for the coliseum,countries in france... NOTHING!. So i said to her for joking (You know,for feeding the talking) : 'Ok,USA Has ALL'. I was waiting a kind of reply like : 'Hahahahah Stop tricking me like it,you have things we could like too...'. But all i got was : 'You fucking asshole,when do you come back to your country etc...'. Let me tell you SHERI : YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING LAMER (To not say Bitch or Slut). Little Lulu knows so much about Europe that she thought HITLER was a communist.Hahahahahahahahaah THIS IS TRUE !.Big fuck to all JEOVAH's WITNESSES that live in California and that i went to visit in 1991. The only ST AMIGOS MEMBER i have ever met was SPARKY,and he is VERY COOL,VERY NICE. So i went to her son's home.Her son KEN is a VERY COOL DUDE.And i think this.He shares his appartment with another COOL dude (no Sheri,it is not a fucking asshole-pig!) called JOSH. I met some of his friends,and i wanna GREET : KEN SHORTYARD,JOSH (Some Sausages again,sir ?),ANDREW (Personnal Crap and do not forget to bury tos), MIKE H. (Nice playing Advanced Dungeons and Dragons with you,Balls Crusher!),MIKE (Still at KEN's ? hahahahah for one day,promise me ! Hi!!!!). By the way i have a message for you 5 guys : from the Knights who say NEEEE ( or EKI EKI EKI ),but i forgot it...
Another greeting to ELISE,alias Ken's girlfriend : nice cooking,you are a nice person and you play good the piano. I have greetings for friends i also have in California and with whom i made parties : i know they will never read this,but i MUST try. His to : JACK and JACKIE (Husband and Wife ! apt 131),Melissa (Maybe John Holmes has the biggest dick,BUT...),Radney (Well i do not know what i could say dude but TAKE IT EASY my friend.) ,MARK (You never talk dude,do you know this ?),GONZO,JOE and especially her sister i do not know. Well,now if you speak to LULU and she says i was always drunk,i give you the right not to believe her,and if she says i tried to make sex with a 11 year girl,i give you the right not to believe it too. She even cried at the phone to a friend of mine, like she did before with me,when i was supposed to be 'A FRIEND'. Do you imagine it ?.That sounds funny for those who know me.Making sex with a 11 year girl,where did she find this ???. And she called my parents to say this to them.By the way Little (Small,Fat,Ugly like a witch with a bud on the face,back broken) LULU, there is a message from my brother,my brother and my parents say about you that you are a WEIRD,MAD Woman and you must have a problem to go to children parks and play consoles at 41,and still buying teddy bears for yourself.Well when we were at DISNEYLAND the only ride you went on was a ride for low age children remember ?. OK.Now lets talk about Little Lulu and computers.AH!,one day we argued because she said that one of her friend cracked TO BE ON TOP using HARDWARE ONLY,and at the end,it was on a floppy disk,enabled to be copied with any copier,i mean CRACKED. But all programmers and crackers around will say to you that there is a kind of loader at least that launches the game. NO ! She said to me i was a asshole because i did not believe her and that i believed that with the current technology status you cannot crack a game only with hardware,without a piece of software somewhere,even a rom inside the hardware that would create a loader... She also does not know how a hard disk is functionning.She said about me to a friend that i could not put an intro on a game,you are making laugh all my contacts,really. So Little Lulu and Yum Yum ( the guy who runs before a 11 year girl to go to the rides ),do not talk to me about hardware or anything.You two bought a supertwin that can 'copy' on a floppy GENESIS (Megadrive) and FAMICOM games.But a friend of mine called ZARATHUSTRA made it by a stupid hardware circuit on the CARTRIDGE plug of his ST,and transfer the game on his hard disk,modifies it too etc... AND HE DOES NOT NEED to buy all consoles,all gadgets with it etc... to do it. Ah! Remember,Richard bought stupidly all consoles even a GAME GEAR (What a mistake!) and you LULU you bought them too BY JEALOUSY.The pretext was to buy one for your girl,but this is not true,you wanted to show him you can buy it. Words Fail to say how rude and agressive Little Lulu behaved with me.I call her 'HOLLYWOOD'.Because this is a place of L.A. where Bitches and Sluts live,rude people. But it is also a place linked with the notion of FILMS.And i definitely think that LL makes films in her head for nothing.She said to me that i was stepping on people's feet in purpose ( i did it a few times to Richard because i was not paying attention when i walked ). She is really ridiculous. Anyway,California is kinda cool,BUT i prefer the south coast of my country,which is more cute.When you think about it California is not cute very much,and except amusement attractions and shows there is not much interesting things. I would like also to say that i made my trip to California,and i paid myself my tickets (5720 FF). Little Lulu paid me NOTHING but some food a very few times.And i paid her some things,ME. She had a PARIS perfume,that is from a too good manufacturer (SAMSARA from GUERLAIN,PARIS) for her. I bought her 100 DOLLARS of different 'LEONIDAS' Chocolates,and also fruit pastes,very expensive. She threw all this away,'BECAUSE she did not like them',she gave them to her son in front of me coz she did not like them. And i can tell you this was for about 150 DOLLARS.Well all friends of mine like these belgium chocolates. And ken loved them.Well,she ate her SNICKERS instead,proof of her developped taste. She made me pay the gas and parking by advance to go to a place called 'The San Jose Flea Market' and when in front of the parking she thought i was stupid,i do not know,but she wanted to make me pay again. Anyway,she has been rude,gross.She has no class,she is small,fat,ugly and has her back broken. Maybe it would make her expensive,like the 3 million dollars man,but i doubt. She also wears sometimes clothes that can make you see a part of her tits,who are kinda big piece of fat.
Anyway i am beginning to get mad so lets calm down,and talk about CALIFORNIA GIRLS. There are good girls over there,BUT there are much ugly girls too.Anyway MAGGIE, the girl from benihana was black hairs,blue eyes,nice skirt,nice smile,and everything well placed. There has been also KAREN from RENO (Nevada),who was giving the drinks.She started giving me lotsa drinks FREE. LULU the living horror was not here,so i could do things. When she was near me,she smiled... She was very nice,and it has been very nice with her but not long enough, after i had to go back to the car to see my 'ST AMIGOS friend called LULU'. Well,in all cases i have the pleasure to announce you we drop LULU. She tried to contact ELITE,through DR TRAP,but i can tell you LULU,they are laughing at you,give them their modem and then suck their dick,but you will have no game.If i was with Raphael when you cried at the phone,it would have been really funny. Anyway you know enough about CALIFORNIA now dudes.
Lets talk about me,or maybe you have a better IDEA.No,we will
not talk about you.... Ok,the fact is that i am born in PARIS,in a
kind of poor quarter called 'Le 20eme arrondissement'. It is the
poorest in Paris.But i am born and my parents were able to make me
pursue my studies,unlike for some of my childhood friends.I made
scientific studies,and i got my BAC C,which is some kinda cool
exam to have. Then i made studies for 2 years as computer
student,before working 3 months for my trip to San Francisco. I
managed my exam good.I am proud of it because now i can pursue
better studies without being afraid of being out of work.With my
level i can earn 2000 DOLLARS at the beginning in one month. That
is cool,But i do not think it is enough if i want to have a
family.I have never have any toys in my childhood except the ATARI
ST.My parents,and i think they were right now,wanted to show me :
'The value of life and money'.Well i have kinda understood i
think.I have had a hard time in my childhood.I had friends,but
also enemies that have annoyed me because i was good working in my
classroom.So they were jealous of me and they wanted me to make
their work.Of course i refused and so they treated me bad.But i
always had a friend with me.I had my friend Sam (Abreviation of
Samir),with whom i staid 5 years everyday,making the fool,playing.
It was a very good friend and he was not very good at school.But
he was friend with me because of ME. And i like friends who are
friends with you because of yourself.We had a good time together.
But,when he went to another school,the shy guy i was went to
another school too. We could not see each other.So i made new
friends there,and though i was good working,people was good to
me,unlike before.I began to socialize really.But i just had my
computer... So i started interesting myself in programming and
cracking,because i wanted being 'A Hacker' ,The purpose was to
destroy protection,going through someone else's protection,it is
exciting. It was long time ago : 1986 !.The first time i
understood how i could crack was while debugging 'EXTENSOR'.Then i
started training myself.And then i met WEREWOLF who was a lamer
like me. We made a group and we called it 'THE TRASH SECTION
(slogan saying The next generation)',my Handle was SLAYER. I
improved there in both coding and cracking,but especially
cracking.And when i cracked the first BIG ROB NORTHERN
protections in 3 hours the first time,i saw i started getting
good. In 1988 we made a group called EQUINOX.It has been the best
group in which i have ever been. I love EQUINOX.First because i
created it with guys who made some groups like trash section and
decided to join us. In fact when i think about it,THE BEST GUYS I
HAVE EVER KNOWN joined with me and the TRASH SECTION. I am not
joking you.There was Krueger that made the best INTROS for a
cracking group ever. Thanks to him,and thanks to the cracks i made
under the handle of ILLEGAL,we grew up in a few weeks and we were
compared to the REPLICANTS and THE UNION easily.And this is no
joke. You cannot understand how it was making a group respected by
everybody and whose name sounded like the biggest who
existed.Then,we became good friends,and especially through
'MANU,alias EIDOLON' of EQUINOX. We made parties with him.I
regreat i do not see him anymore,really,i lost his trace. EQUINOX
Was a group of FRIENDS,REALLY.I was feeling good.We even went in
holidays together. EQUINOX still exists and they are still
friends,but let me explain my case. As time passes we became a big
french group,though not too international,but we were respected
for our work. But we started also arguing each other,about
Then came ANGEL FACE. He was the leader of the empire and wanted me as cracker,krueger as coder,eidolon as swapper. And then he started making the mess inside EQUINOX.One day he proposed me a 20 meg hard disk if i entered the EMPIRE.As i wanted one and we were arguing each other in EQUINOX,i said yes.BUT i have never liked the empire.It was a group of treators,liers. We did not like them and they made bad cracks.When i was inside i was treated good first, so i started making good cracks,then it became not too cool,maybe it was because of me who helped making the mess inside the group...Anyway i quitted the EMPIRE,because they were trying to fuck me over about a modem story. And they were not friends of mine.Before this i learned how to crack to LIGHTMAN,now DR TRAP. But i kept my little secrets for me Raphael hehehehehe !!!!!!!!. Then i entered the REPLICANTS.I met Snake who is a very nice dude.We made some cool things when he came in PARIS to see us. We made a game of BODY-WEIGH-ADDED-BEARING,ask him. Anyway inside the REPLICANTS it is cool,but i feel a little alone in PARIS.But this feeling disappears when i have SNAKE at phone,and when i see them.It would have been cool if we were in the same town all. On pourrait faire des sales soirees tous ensemble,les marseillais,parisiens et lillois hein ? Ok,now you know all,i am a simple dude,and i admire the old GREEK civilisation. I love my country,but i would also like to visit ITALY,IRELAND,GREECE,GERMANY in europe... France is the best place i have ever seen in the world.I already went to England and California. There may be better.But the south of France is really lovely,when i think about it now. Try to go to BANDOL,SANARY SUR MER,MOUSTIERS,BORDEAUX,QUIBERON (BRETAGNE). All these are lovely places.I already have had girlfriends,but the one i remember the most has been a girl who nearly has been a girlfriend of mine,but could not,because she already had a boyfriend. But ISABELLE from LILLE was so pretty,she had a 'Smile in the eyes',a smile she only had with me,and with none else. I was truely in love,and i will never forget her.
If one day you go to California,then an advice : HIDE your visa cards,and especially if you are a neighbour of LITTLE LULU. Maybe you will see on you VISA listing : 'Teddy Bear 300 dollars','Superfamicom 400 dollars','Modem 500 dollars','Candies 100 dollars...' . Anyway dudes,i hope you enjoyed this story,and i say you see you later maybe,if i do some ST again.I KNOW there are people who would have loved writing to me directly.Support me,do it dudes.Think about all the work i did for you,all the time i spent,WRITE me,WHOEVER you are.My personnal Adress is (You can give it to the police,i have nomore ATARI ST NOW,and NOTHING AT HOME) : STXXXXXE XXXXXXXX,1X BD DAVOUT,75020 PARIS (FRANCE).He is friend of mine,andwill gimme the letters,unlike other adresses.Write me.You can say what you like,but i would like FRIENDLY LETTERS instead of shit.Thanx.
POMPEY PIRATES MENU 91 ... THERE'S ALSO A MONO EMULATOR ON HERE, JUST SELECT EITHER SYSTEM 4 OR AUDIO SCULPTURE TO GO TO THE DESKTOP... YES I KNOW POWERMONGER IS A BIT OLD NOW, BUT THAT'S ALL EXPLAINED IN THE DOCS... WHICH ARE WORTH READING BY THE WAY, COS THEY'RE BIIIG! AN EXTRA SPECIAL GREET GOES TO RISQ FOR ALL HIS WORK CONTRIBUTING TO THIS MENU! FIRST, A QUICK (LONG) MESSAGE TO ILLEGAL... WE'RE ALL SO DREADFULLY SORRY THAT YOU'RE LEAVING THE ST SCENE... HA HA! I DON'T THINK! GODD RIDDANCE TO SCUM LIKE YOU! YOU'RE RIGHT, THERE ARE TWO MANY ASSHOLES AND LIARS AROUND, BUT WITH YOU GONE, THERE'S ONE LESS! AND YOU ACTUALLY BOUGHT ALL THE ORIGINALS YOU CRACKED? WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID? THAT'S THE BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP WE'VE EVER HEARD! WE LOST A GOOD CRACKER? WHO WAS THAT THEN? CERTAINLY NOT YOU! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER SEEING A DECENT CRACK FROM YOU THAT DIDN'T NEED FIFTEEN DIFFERENT FIX FILES! NOW ON TO YOUR SLAGGING OF LITTLE LULU... PERSONALLY, IF THE BIT ABOUT HER TELLING SOME BIRD YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO DRINK IS TRUE, WE FIND IT BLOODY HILARIOUS! BUT IT CAN'T BE TRUE, BECAUSE NO WOMAN IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD CHAT UP A FRENCHMAN LIKE YOU! HOW CAN YOU SLAG LULU FOR NOT GOING ON FUNFAIR RIDES, WHEN YOU DIDN'T YOURSELF? IF ANY OF US HAD A BACK INJURY WE SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T RISK FURTHER INJURY ON RIDES! BOTH YUM YUM AND LULU HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT ON THE RACIST BIT... OH SCREW THIS, YOU'RE JUST A TOTAL LAMER AND JERK OFF AND NO WONDER ELITE, ETC. DON'T LIKE YOU! THEY, AFTER ALL, SEEM TO BE NICE ENOUGH GUYS! NO DOUBT THE REST OF THE GROUP WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, ILLEGAL, LATER IN THIS TEXT... DES HERE.... I HAVE JUST READ THE SCROLL TEXT FROM THAT ILLEGAL BLOKE AND HAVE DECIDED THAT HE IS SOME EVIL MOUTHED FRENCH SUCKER WITH A BAD ATTITUDE I AM SO GLAD HE HAS DECIDED TO LEAVE THE ST SCENE... NO LOSS I PROMISE YOU... THIS BLOKE IS A COMPLETE LAMER.... HE LIES THROUGH HIS CROOKED TEETH... I PERSONALLY THINK HE MUST BE FROM THE SAME MOULD AS HAL THE SLOB.... OH DEAR HOPE HAL WON'T READ THIS.... NO WORRIES REALLY AS THE ONLY WAY HE COULD HEAR OF THIS IS IF SOMEONE READS IT TO HIM..... LETS HOPE HAL FOLLOWS THE FRENCH BLOKES IDEA AND CLEARS OFF FROM THE ST SCENE SO THE REST OF US CAN GET ON WITHOUT LYING SCUM LIKE THESE TWO...... WHILE I AM AT THIS KEYBOARD,, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT ON NO ACCOUNT SHOULD YOU PAY FOR POMPEY MENU'S... IF YOU ARE BEING RIPPED OFF BY A MONEY GRABBING LEECH...DON'T PAY FOR ANY OF OUR MENU'S... SORRY DEREK IF I AM STOPPING YOUR LIVING BY THIS SCROLL (ABOUT YOU)...OK GREETS FROM ME... HIYA JAM, ITCHY AND SCRATCH, INGI, FERRIS BUELLER (OFFICIAL IRISH IMPORTER), ER... ANYONE ELSE I HAVE FORGOTTEN... TAKE IT EASY AND HAVE FUN WHILE DOING SO..... ... YUM YUM TAKES THE KEYBOARD ... HIYA YUM YUM HERE, JUST A FEW COMMENTS ABOUT THE SCROLLER ON THE REPLICANTS BIG GAME FISHING INTRO... FIRST OF ALL, MAGGIE, THE BIRD AT BENIHANA'S, YOU SAY YOU CAN RECOGNISE WHEN SOMEONE IS DRUNK? PRESUMABLY YOU THINK A GIRL OF 30+ GIGGLING, LEANING ON HER FRIEND, STAGGERING WITH HER SHOES OFF OUT OF THE RESTAURANT IS COMPLETELY SOBER? OK, SO YOU GOT HER PHONE NUMBER... ONLY GOT AN ANSWERPHONE WHEN YOU DIALED IT THOUGH. YOU SAID YOU MADE 40 TO 50 DOLLARS A DAY !!! WOW, HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT ? COMPLETE CRAP I'M AFRAID. YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO STAY AT THE APPARTMENT BECAUSE BY THAT TIME YOU HAD PROVED TO BE SO OBNOXIOUS AND UNTRUSTWORTHY. I THOUGHT LL WAS COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED. I CAN TRUTHFULLY SAY THAT THE RACIST TOPIC WAS NEVER MENTIONED WHILST I WAS THERE. OR WAS THIS 'ANTI-RACIST ILLEGAL' ILLUSION SUPPOSED TO WIN YOU FRIENDS ? YOU SAY AT THE BEGINNING THAT YOU DIDN'T GET LOST ON PURPOSE, WELL HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET LOST ANYWAY? NO-ONE ELSE GOT LOST...AT ANYTIME... THEN YOU SAID YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE ? AND YOU WONDERED WHY YOU WERN'T ALLOWED IN THE APARMENT ? CAN ANYONE WHO READS THIS TRUTHFULLY SAY THAT THEY WOULDN'T HAVE HAD A PICTURE WITH MICKEY ? ANY THE THEME PARKS, ONLY THE BIGGEST IN THE WORLD...ANY YOU ALSO WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO TO THEM EITHER. SLEEP EARLY - IN LA (DISNEY, HOLLYWOOD ETC.), WE HAD A MAX. OF 4 HOURS SLEEP A NIGHT, FOR 7 DAYS. WE GOT UP AT 5 OR 6AM HIT THE SACK AT 2 OR 3. IT WAS TRUE WE KICKED THE BED IN WHICH ILLEGAL SLEPT EACH MORNING, QUITE AMUSING... WE PLAYED A FEW GAMES MACHINES, WELL SINCE I BOUGHT THEM I FELT ENTITLED TO PLAY THEM. (OI THE MONSTER HERE, GOD YUM YUM IS SO SLOOOOOW AT TYPING IT'LL BE MORNING WHEN HE'S FINISHED!) THINK, IF YOU (WERE NOT INVITED) BUT WERE PERMITTED TO STAY AT SOMEONE'S HOME FOR 5 WEEKS, YOU WOULD HELP TIDY THE PLACE, WELL ILLEGAL THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER TO CHAT ON THE BBS THAN HELP OUT A LITTLE AROUND THE HOUSE. HE DID NOTHING FOR 3 WEEKS TO HELP US. DON'T YOU WISH HE STAYED WITH YOU ? HE FORGOT HIS HAIR BRUSH, HE ONLY TOOK ONE PAIR OF JEANS AND A PAIR OF CHINO'S....FOR 5 WEEKS.... DIDN'T WASH THEM... AND HE DIDN'T BUY ANY MORE !!! YEP, SMELT LIKE A PAIR OF SADDAM'S UNDIES ON THE FIRST DAY OF THE GULF WAR! NOW ONTO LITTLE LULU... GREETINGS TO ALL OF THOSE THAT ARE NOT THE FOOLS ILLEGAL PLAYS US FOR. I JUST LOVED THE LOADER ON BIG GAME FISHING BY ILLEGAL. IT WAS SO FUNNY! THE LAST TIME I HAD SUCH A GOOD LAUGH WAS WHEN HE WAS HERE! ANYWAY WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO IS TAKE THIS TIME TO POINT OUT A FEW BULLS--T STORIES THAT HE MADE ON HIS LAME LOADER ON A GAME THAT WASN'T EVEN IN ENGLISH! AS WE ALL KNOW MORE THAN 60 PERCENT OF ILLEGAL'S CRACKS DO NOT WORK. AND WE HAVE SEEN WHAT TYPE OF PERSON HE REALLY IS! SO ANYTHING COMING FROM HIM IS A JOKE! HIS LOADERS ARE VULGAR AND SICK. HIS CRACKS BOMB MOST OF THE TIME. SO THAT IN ITSELF SPEAKS FOR ILLEGAL! WELL ILLEGAL, HERE IS MY (SHERI) RESPONSE TO YOU: FIRST THE PICTURE YOU DREW WAS NOT OF ME. AND I CAN PROVE THAT! BUT IT WAS OF YOUR MOTHER. DID YOU ASK HER TO PUT IT IN YOUR SCROLLER? ANYWAY YOU TALK A LOT ABOUT MY BACK.. SEEMS YOU GET PLEASURE WHEN SOMEONE HAD AN ACCIDENT. DO YOU SEE ME TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR ACCIDENT? WHEN THE CAR RAN OVER YOUR FOOT? (HAHAHA OOOPS SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY) SO I WAS HORSEBACK RIDING AND THE HORSE BUCKED AND IT BROKE MY BACK.. DID IT GIVE YOU PLEASURE TELLING EVERYONE I BROKE MY BACK ONCE? YOUR A REAL SAD CASE! YOU GOT YOUR FOOT RAN OVER SOOO? WHEN YOU WERE OVER HERE YOU MADE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE. WE TRIED TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, BECAUSE YOU STUNK SO BAD. WHEN (IF) YOU BATH DO YOU USE SOAP? AFTER YOU LEFT, KENNEY HAD TO AIR OUT HIS SOFA AND HAVE IT CLEANED. SPEAKING OF KENNEY; HE'S STILL MAD AT YOU SO WHY GREET HIM? AND HIS FRIENDS SAID 'F--- OFF' SO WHY YOU GREET THEM? AND GREETING PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! HAHAHAHA. YOUR LOADER SHOWS EVERYONE WHAT A TWO FACED PERSON YOU ARE NOT TO MENTION A LIAR. LIKE THE CANDY YOU BROUGHT OVER HERE. FIRST YOU CLAIM IN YOUR SCROLLER YOU SPENT 100 DOLLARS ON IT. (YEAH RIGHT A BOX OF CANDY - GIVE US ALL A BREAK) ANYWAY THEN DOWN THE LINE IT WENT FROM 100 TO 150 DOLLARS! (WHEN LYING, ILLEGAL YOU BETTER WRITE THEM DOWN BECAUSE YOU FORGET WHAT YOU SAID!) ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A LIE YOU GOT CAUGHT IN, IN YOUR SCROLLER. YOU SAID THAT I SAID YOU DRINK, AND THAT I WAS A LIAR. THAT IS IN THE BEGINNING BUT LATER IN THE SCROLLER YOU MENTION 3 DIFFERENT TIMES YOU WERE DRINKING! AND I KNOW OF OTHERS YOU DIDN'T EVEN MENTION! SO WHO JUST LIED? HAHAHA.. ANOTHER LIE IN YOUR SCROLLER - YOU SAID YOUR MOTHER THINKS I AM A MAD WOMAN... THAT IS REAL FUNNY BECAUSE I HAVE A HAND WRITTEN LETTER FROM HER AND YOUR FATHER IT WAS SENT TO ME BY EXPRESS MAIL AND I HAVE THE LETTER AND THE ENVELOPE. IF ANYONE WANTS I CAN HAVE IT HAND SCANNED AND UPLOADED ALL OVER SO THEY CAN SEE YOUR OWN PARENTS WERE ASHAMED AND EXCUSING YOUR ACTIONS!! IF THEY THINK THAT -I- AM THE MAD PERSON I DON'T THINK THEY WOULD BE WRITING TO ME! HAHAHA OH AND YOU SAID I CALLED YOUR MOTHER! HAHAHAHA REALLY? THE LETTER I HAVE WILL CONFIRM THAT IT WAS A MAN THAT CALLED HER NOT A FEMALE! OH WELL SO MUCH FOR THAT LIE. EVEN HAL IS A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU! AT LEAST HE IS NOT VULGAR AND HAD A BRAIN. HE DIDN'T 'TAKE OFF' AND GET LOST! AND ALTHOUGH WE ARGUED HE AT LEAST MADE SENSE. YOU ARE SAYING ALL THIS CRAP ABOUT ME AND IT IS ONLY YOUR EGO THAT WAS IN YOUR WAY! WHY DID YOU COME OVER HERE ANYWAY NO ONE INVITED YOU! AT LEAST WITH HAL HE WAS INVITED AND SO WAS YUM YUM. YOU WITH YOUR BIG EGO (AS WE ALL CAN READ IT ON YOUR RELEASE OF BIG GAME FISHING) COME OVER ONLY TO FEED YOUR OWN EGO. AND WHAT A SHOCK YOU GOT WHEN YOU FOUND OUT THAT YUM YUM, KENNEY, HIS FRIENDS, BILL AND I DIDN'T FEED IT! OH SPEAKING OF FOOD. KENNEY SAID IF YOU EVER COME OVER HERE AGAIN DON'T KNOCK ON HIS DOOR! HE AND JOSH SAID YOU WERE SUCH A DAMN PIG EATING EVERYTHING AND NOT PAYING FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN FOR A SODA FOR THE WHOLE 3 WEEKS YOU STAYED AT HIS HOUSE AFTER I KICKED YOU OUT. IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS ILLEGAL I PAID KENNEY WITH A TV TO TAKE YOU IN! ASK HIM! HAHAHA!!! AND AFTER YOU LEFT HE SAID 'IT WASN'T WORTH IT!' HAHAHA. YOU WERE SO LAZY AND DIRTY. I WAS THERE WHEN MIKE KEN AND JOSH SAID TO YOU. 'IF YOU DO NOT TAKE YOUR TURN AND CLEAN THE DISHES YOU WILL NOT EAT HERE AGAIN!' THEY WERE SICK OF CLEANING UP AFTER YOU. OH AND ANOTHER THING REMEMBER THAT NIGHT IT WAS ABOUT 1AM WHEN YOU CAME INTO KENNEY'S HOUSE DRIPPING WET AND DRUNK? WELL I AM SURE THAT SLIPPED YOUR MIND... BUT TO REMIND YOU REMEMBER HOW KEN YELLED AT YOU FOR GETTING THE POOL WATER ON HIS NEW CARPET! NOW DO YOU REMEMBER? HAHAHA IN YOUR LOADER ON BIG GAME FISHING YOU TALK OF HOW THE REPLICANTS DROPPED ME! HAHAHAH EVERYONE IS LAUGHING AT YOU! HAHAHA WHAT A FOOL YOU ARE THEY ALL -KNOW- IT'S A LIE! BECAUSE WHILE YOU WERE STILL HERE I HAD DROPPED THEM AND IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU! AND THAT WAS ALL DONE WHILE YOU WERE STILL HERE BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT YET BECAUSE YOU WERE DELETED OFF MY BBS AND COULDN'T SEE IT! BUT EVERYONE ELSE KNEW! IT WASN'T UNTIL OVER A WEEK LATER THAT YOU SAW KENNEY LOG ONTO MY BBS AND SAW THAT I HAD DROPPED YOU! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT! SO WHY TRY TO LIE? ILLEGAL, I CAN GO ON AND ON WITH FACTS THAT I -CAN- BACK UP. BUT I WON'T ONLY BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL TRY WITH YOUR EGO TO LIE AGAIN! HAHAHA BUT BEFORE I GO... I WOULD LIKE TO SAY REMEMBER YOU PROMISED TO PAY ME FOR THE PHONE CALLS YOU MADE WHEN I HAD ASKED YOU NOT TO USE THE PHONE? WELL??? WHERE IS THE 31 DOLLARS (STILL HAVE THE BILL)? OH AND BILL SAID DIDN'T YOU PROMISE TO PAY HIM THE MONEY YOU OWE HIM FOR PAYING FOR THE EXTRA DAY IN THE HOTEL AND CAR RENTAL FOR YOU! WELL ANOTHER LIE? HE STILL HAS NOT SEEN HIS MONEY!
HEY SPEAKING OF PERVERTS AND SICK MINDS.. YOU SAID THAT YOU SAW MY TITS. WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE 6 FOOT 5 AND I AM 4 FOOT 10 BUT TELL ME WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING LOOKING DOWN MY T-SHIRTS! YOUR A REAL SICK PERSON. AND TO PROVE IT EVEN MORE YOU WALKED AROUND MY HOUSE WEARING NOTHING BUT YOUR BLACK BIKINI BRIEFS (UNDERWEAR) IN FRONT OF CATHY. AND YUM YUM AND I HEARD CATHY COME UP TO YOU AND SAY 'YOU'RE DISGUSTING DISPLAYING YOURSELF TO ALL OF US!' HAHA YOU'RE ONE SICK PERSON ILLEGAL. BY THE WAY WE ALL WANT TO KNOW ARE YOU STILL EATING YOUR EAR WAX? POOR ILLEGAL... BY READING YOUR LAST LOADER I SEE EVERYONE IS JEALOUS OF YOU (OR THAT IS WHAT YOU CLAIM IN YOUR LOADER!) AND NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU MONEY! (THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY IN YOUR LOADER!) IN YOUR LOADER YOU SOUNDED JEALOUS OF YUM YUM AND I HAVING A GOOD TIME! HAHAHAHA NEXT TIME DON'T GO WHERE YOU'RE NOT INVITED! SIGNED HONESTLY SHERI OCLASSEN (LITTLE LULU) P.S. FOR THOSE THAT WANT A FREE VIDEO TAPE OF ILLEGAL LEAVE ME E-MAIL! THIS IS NO JOKE I WILL MAIL IT TO ANYONE REQUESTING IT! ... LETTER FROM SHERI ENDS ... ... THE MONSTER TAKES THE KEYBOARD ... WELL THIS IS THE MONSTER HERE AT THE POMPEY GROUP MEET THE TIME IS NOW 2.30AM AND ALL IS STILL GOING STRONG I THINK POMPEY 91 WAS FINISHED TONIGHT BUT I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE... WELL THE REST OF THE GROUP (AND FRIENDS) ARE SITTING IN PP SLEDGEHAMMER'S LOUNGE WACTHING 'SLEDGEHAMMER!'. YUM YUM, THE GUY WHO BURNS MONEY TO KEEP WARM, HAS EVERY CONSOLE POSSIBLE (FAMICOM, PC ENGINE, LYNX, GAMEBOY, MEGADRIVE, TURBOGRAFIX, ETC) OUT OF THIS VAST ARRAY OF MACHINES HE CHOOSES TO PLAY ASTEROIDS ON A VECTREX, THIS THING IS A 1982 MONO ONLY CONSOLE!!!!! GENIE IS CO-PILOT AND OPERATING THE THRUST AND HYPERSPACE! IT'S PRETTY SAFE TO SAY PP SLEDGEHAMMER'S HOUSE IS REASONABLE TRASHED, WITH OVER 40 LITRES OF COKE AND ENOUGH CRISPS TO LAST TO CHRISTMAS... HI TO MY GIRLFRIEND (WHO WON'T READ THIS CAUSE SHE HATES COMPUTERS BUT..) HI HELEN. JUGGLER HAS SUGGESTED AS THIS SCROLLTEXT IS GETTING DESPERATE THAT I OUGHT TO GREET MY NEIGHBOURS, PROBLEM IS I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE WHO THEY ARE AS I'VE JUST MOVED. JUGGLER IS CALLED THAT FOR A REASON, GUESS WHAT, YEAH HE CAN JUGGLE EVERYTHING FROM BALLS (FNARR FNARR) TO FLAMING TORCHES (NICE SMOULDERING CURTAINS) AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST SAMURAI SWORDS!!! ANYWAY THE POINT OF THIS BIT IS I'VE BEEN LEARNING TO JUGGLE (WHAT A DISASTER). YUM YUM HAS DECIDED THAT HE AND GENIE ARE THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD AT VECTREX ASTEROIDS, THIS IS PROBABLY TRUE AS IT'S ONLY WORKING VECTREX LEFT!! LIFE AT THIS MEET IS GOING DOWNHILL RAPIDLY - YUM YUM AND GENIE ARE NOW PLAYING SCRAMBLE. ALIEN IS WANDERING AROUND COMPLAINING THAT I HAVEN'T FINISHED THIS SCROLLER YET... WELL IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT THAT YUM YUM HAS THE TYPING SPEED OF A 3 TOED SLOTH, WITH 4 BROKEN LEGS, GLUED TO A TREE I MIGHT HAVE GOT ON THE KEYBOARD A BIT EARLIER. WELL I'VE REALLY UPSET ALIEN NOW HAVING SPRAYED HIS ST WITH DIET COKE (OOOPS), THE GREAT TEAM OF YUM YUM AND GENIE HAS JUST COLLAPSED - YUM YUM WAS RANTING AND RAVING ABOUT GENIE NOT FIRING AND THEN REALISED IT WAS HIM WHO WAS OPERATING THE FIRE BUTTON (MUPPET). ALIEN IS WANDERING AROUND AIMLESSLY LOOKING AT HIS WATCH AND SAYING 'HINT HINT', I THINK HE'S TRYING TO SAY THAT I OUGHT TO FINISH THIS AND CALL IT A DAY (OR MORNING AS IT IS NOW). LAST THING - HAVING JUST MOVED DOWN SOUTH, OH MY GOD ISN'T TVS'S NIGHT TIME BLOODY CRAP, THIS IS THE MOST COMPLETELY NAFF TV I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SEEING, WHY OH WHY DID I LEAVE A DECENT TV REGION TO COME AND WATCH THIS CRAP? OK THIS MONSTER SIGNING OFF (FOR NOW).... ... MONSTER LEAVES THE KEYBOARD ... THANK GOD ... ALIEN TAKES THE KEYBOARD ... WELL IF YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, HERE'S THE GREETS... GREETINGS FROM ANDY AND TIM GO TO DANNY.W IN TOOTING, FABRICE.P, PETE.R, MR.X OF PROPHECY PD, RUTHLESS OF AWESOME. MEGA GREETS TO... (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)... THE WIZARD, RISQ, NEIL G., ANDREW P., TIM, KEVIN T., FABRICE P., DANNY IN TOOTING, ARGONAUT AND THE REST OF TUC, JOHN PANIC, MONSTER, FERRIS BUELLER - THE OFFICIAL IMPORTER OF OUR MENUS INTO IRELAND!, DR. J, CESAR, NAMOR, NEMESIS, JAM, A.L.F., JFB, DAZZER, STEW, CHIPS, WIZZCAT, LORD HACKBEAR, MR AND MRS WEEBLES, FROSTY OF THE SOURCE, HITCHHIKER, PAUL OF THE YARD, THE CAT, THE PIRANHA, BOATS, GHOSTRIDER, JOLLY ROGER, TEDDYSTACKER, WACKY JACKY, ELITE, THE BBC, AUTOMATION, SUPERIOR, AWESOME, DREAMWEAVERS, THE BAD BOYS, FLATLINERS, THE MR. MEN, ELECTRIC BLUE, STCS, R.C.A., INNER CIRCLE. TCB, THE LOST BOYS, AND ANY OTHER SOD WHO RECKONS THEY DESERVE GREETING... EXCEPT ILLEGAL. NOW PLEASE GO AWAY SO WE CAN GET SOME SLEEP!
The texts were ripped out from intros by DAD of IMPACT, September 1992.